Consumer Packaged Goods in Serious Need of Overhaul

A question that has baffled me for many years is why so many of the consumer packaged goods that we use today still use the same old-school packaging that my great grandparents were accustomed to in the early 1900's. Much of this packaging, in my opinion, has a lot of room for update and improvement.

With all the CPG market research and shopper insights being conducted today, why is it that we have to settle for many of these antiquated package designs. Am I the only one who thinks this odd? Do people truly believe that functionality is at its optimal with these designs or that this is some retro throwback that should conjure impressions of simpler times? I don't think you can really consider something "retro" unless it is absent from the market for a number of years and later resurrected for nostalgia. But then many times where this is the case, at least you have a choice: the old is often positioned side-by-side with the new and improved counterpart.

My top four products that could use a good makeover:

Salt – I'm talking about the standard 26 oz. cylindrical box with that awful aluminum-hinged spout where after invariably severing the skin under your finger nail on engaging the slide; you must then deal with the awkward opening and closing of same. And heaven forbid that you wrench it too hard thereby tearing it out of its port…it will never be the same again. Pushing it too hard into the box port carries with it even more serious implications, however.

Flour – is the only way to package this have to be a paper bag? There's no graceful means of opening this type of packaging without releasing a fine plume of airborne particulates similar to that of forensic talcum used in dusting for prints. Re-closing such packaging is equally as awkward and messy. When a point is reached where you can roll the bag shut it becomes increasingly difficult to store so it's more often wedged or jammed between items to keep from spilling. I wonder, do people really use counter-top canisters all that much?

Milk – I hate the cardboard spouts that need to be slowly torn open and spread apart. Yes, I know there's an arrow indicating which end it is that is supposed to work, but even given that, it's often a clumsy proposition. At least with milk cartons somebody got wise and developed packaging resembling the traditional carton, but only with a plastic screw-top inserted in the top. Why bother – if you're going to redesign, why not go all the way.

Breakfast Cereal – I'm talking about that waxy plastic bag inside the box. Do you cut it…tear it? And if you do manage to pull it apart at the seam like a bag o'chips, there's about a fifty-fifty chance that this can be accomplished without an explosion of flakes, clusters, nuts and dried fruit all over the kitchen area. And then as you consume the product over time you must roll the bag over itself and jam it back in the box with the renegade flakes that somehow find their way outside the bag and into the box. Oh, I suppose I'm now expected to keep a cereal canister on my counter too, right next to the flour!

Ohhhmmmmmmm

As I age I find that a lot of things my elders told me would happen, has happened...dammit.  Some of these things are to do with the ravages of time (wrinkles, memory not as sharp, making old men noises when you get out of bed in the morning, but luckily my uterus hasn't fallen out in the bathtub (that is a story for another day...)) but some of them are what comes with wisdom  if you pay attention.

One of the positives is the realization that petty little things and even petty big things start to lose their significance.  Material goods are less sought after and even seem a burden at times.  The true pleasures in life can be a laugh with a friend, being the shoulder for a friend in need to cry on, answering a question from your daughter about how to cook frozen vegetables and taking a late night walk around your neighborhood and realize how you luckily ended up just where you needed to be when you needed to be there.  My theory about what happens to us as we age, the changes to our body, minds and outlook is natures way of getting you to realize, before it is too late, the wonder of this beautiful existence and the amazing people within it.  People who have different views, outlooks, backgrounds and passions. Lucky are we who surround ourselves with people and not things.

The Seedy Side of Snack Foods

Who doesn't occasionally like to munch on a salty snack? But if "occasionally" translates to more than 3 or 4 times a week, then I think it wise to find a satisfying snack that is not fried and has some redeeming value or even a "perceived" health benefit.

I believe that roasted pumpkin seeds walk this fine line of satisfying that junk food craving, while at the same time, finding redemption by also possessing a rather impressive nutrient profile. These flat kernels are second only to peanuts in protein content, lower in fat than most nuts and an excellent source of iron. What I also like about pumpkin seeds is the low-maintenance required to eat them. Pumpkin seeds can be eaten, shell-and-all, so there is no cracking, peeling, spitting or ditching of outer husks to be concerned about.

The problem with pumpkin seeds is that it's nearly impossible to find a brand that does 'em just right. Most brands of pumpkin seeds you'll find in the market today are much too salty. Or worse yet, they have almost no salt at all – you'd be better off buying a bag of bird seed. I've sampled some that look appealing in the package, but then turn out to be too pliable with little or no crunch.

About 5 years ago I discovered the perfect seed at Trader Joe's. Trader Joe's pumpkin seeds are done to perfection! Not under or over roasted, lightly salted and you'll get a generous size bag at a relatively low cost. Now the problem with TJ's seed is that it is available for a time and then disappears for many months, even years at a time. I actually went through a spell of nearly 2 years without my TJ's seed fix. This last spell where it became available, I stocked up and even had my friends buying up seed for future reserve during the long famine periods. Whenever I go to a Trader Joe's store I immediately run to the seed aisle with hopeful anticipation, and frequent disappointment.

Why can't anybody else do pumpkin seeds right?

Free Wi-Fi…Really?

I can't understand why it is still so common to see signs on restaurants, coffee shops, hotels and various retail establishments announcing "Free Wi-Fi". Really? This provision has become so common these days that you'd be a fool to actually pay a dime for Wi-Fi service. And you'd be an even bigger fool to expect to collect a fee for providing the service.

I understand there was a time, not so very long ago, when wireless internet connectivity was newer on the technology landscape. The access of internet without an ethernet cable was quite the coveted convenience for those who were traveling with laptops and were frequently working from internet cafes and hotel rooms. Today, it's rare to find a person, regardless of age, who doesn't rely on wireless connectivity for a wide range of potential devices, including: Smartphone, electronic E-readers, iPads, DS gaming systems and other such internet-dependant gadgets.
With everybody and their mothers now providing wireless routers it seems almost criminal these days to exact payment for said service. So why state it at all? If somebody actually had cojones big enough to ask a fee to connect to their wireless service, I think all you'd need to do is take a short walk down the street, or even a door away to find somebody who gives it away.
The term "Free Wi-Fi" has become as pointless as the sign on the corner tavern that reads, "Cold Beer". Oh really…as opposed to all the other watering holes in town that subject me to their room-temperature brew? Did the iceman finally get there and you have a fresh block in the icebox? Or what about the sign on the motel that for years read: "Heated Pool"? I saw this for years after it was standard practice to provide comfortable swimming pool temperatures.
And my all time favorite, and this I actually spotted on a flea-bag motel when I traveled through the deep South this past summer…drum roll please… "Color Television". I wonder if it was cable?

While the cats away...

Its been months since I've contributed and I've let my partner in crime just take over. Well that stops now and I'm going to get away with some mayhem while he is in Haiti!  So I really want to title this...

Top 10 reasons every woman should have a gay hairdresser:

10.  He always has at least one story that he has to get real close and whisper when he tells you (juicy!!)
9.  He makes a hilarious creeped out face whenever you say "vagina"
8.  He sometimes calls his boyfriend twinkle toes
7.  He thinks he is the butch one......(we asked him today to stand in his most butch position....I don't think the ballet russe could pose more graceful....)
6.  He always can be counted on to say "you know what would look really good on you??" and proceed to tell you not only what, but where to buy it.
5.  He listens and remembers your deal and isn't afraid to give you strong advice
4.  When you tell him "Oh I'd like you to cut my hair like this or color it this color" he says "no" and then moves on to tell you a story about his bitchy relative and does what he likes.
3.  He looks more crestfallen than you do when you tell him something bad that happens to you.
2.  He calls flamboyant gays "fruity loopys".
1.  When he sends you out the door not only does your hair look great but your self esteem soars and you feel like a princess....now when has any other man done that for you???

Bow Ties – Latest Cool Trend for Men!

Okay, I'm going to admit it up front – I don't think this is true about bow ties being the latest cool fashion trend for today's men. I always figure contradictory statements drive more traffic. I personally think bow ties are cool just by their virtue of being somewhat un-cool, unless of course you are attending a black tie event and sporting it with a tux. I began wearing bow ties some years ago. I suppose it began for me as a fun statement, bucking the established convention of  fashion. Bow ties, when worn as casual dress are still largely considered the mark of a poindexter, a nerd first-class, an intellectual misfit or academic outlier. Although, Harrison Ford wore it  well in the Indiana Jones movies. I think I also possess a good measure of nerd, intellectual and socially awkward attributes to pull off the look. Heck, I even have a scar under my lip, the same as Ford. And coincidentally, both sustained by the same means - smashing our face into a steering wheel while crashing our car during our teen years.

A bow tie should never be a clip-on type (unless you are a child). Part of the whole bow tie experience is learning the art of tying the perfect bow – symmetrical and balanced. I always think that a bow tie looks equally cool when undone, taking on a new role and providing an altogether bold and spunky appearance. This of course happens at a later point in the evening after dinner is done, lights are low the drink bill is high. This is the point in the evening when most other men are loosening their traditional neck ties, opening their collars and in rare cases, wearing them as headbands (if they are excessively-tanked). It is at this time where I undo the bow, allowing the ends of the tie to dangle freely, providing that gritty look that Bond might convey after a good night at the tables in Monte, or maybe after a good chase across the tile rooftops of Istanbul and the Grand Bazaar.  At the same time, it's important to make the clear statement…this is not a clip-on bow… "yes, I tied it myself".

I'm going to leave for Haiti in a few days on a short-term service trip. I was asked to deliver a personal message and testimony to a congregation of about 400 or more. The Haitian tradition dictates that the nationals wear their very best while attending church. Out of respect for the people and culture, our team too, will wear much dressier attire than we normally would for our own church services at home in the U.S.. Our team leader also suggested that we might want to think of a way whereby we would be easily identified from one another by the people – something that would clearly set us apart as unique from the others in our group. He told us to think of something we will be remembered by, even on subsequent visits to the country.

To my Haitian hosts, I hope to be the one fondly remembered as, "The man with the bow tie". I must find out how that translates to French Creole. I bet it sounds very cool.

I'm On a Roll...Let's Talk Tamales!

So, this is one of those evenings where there is no planned dinner to speak of. These occasions are actually rare in my household, but they do occur about once a month, usually due to scheduling situations that force a late lunch for my wife. This results in a fast food alternative for her and kids, which leaves me hanging, as I come in later from a commute from the city. This simply means that I need fend for myself, whether it involves opening a can of soup, snacking on hummus and pita chips, or just noshing on an eclectic sample of food item stores available in the various fridge compartments.

Sometimes I can get very creative, but tonight I just wanted something quick, satisfying and relatively healthy. It suddenly struck me that I had a few dozen tamales in the freezer…perfect! When I say tamales, I'm not talking about those over-processed, salty, paper-bound junk food items that are a side item that you find at a Chicago-style hot dog joint. These are the real deal! My mom being Mexican does it right, the Mexican way…

And as any good Mexican will tell you, tamales are done around the holidays, are mass-produced and can be a family social event as several dozen can be prepared, with varying ingredients from pork, beef, cheese, chili peppers or any combination thereof. A real Mexican tamale is made from yellow or white corn masa, rolled in a corn husk and bound with a string of husk. They are generally grouped in half-dozen packages and given to family and friends as gifts.

Every year my Mom and Dad prepare several dozen and bring these gifts to our home at Christmas time. And every year I count on at least one of my brothers forgetting his dozen and leaving me with additional inventory. The rule is to always steam them – never microwave, as this dries them out. I love them and can easily make a meal by adding some salsa, sour cream, an avocado and some beans on the side. This is my dinner tonight. I realize my parents only have so many tamale-producing times left, so I must learn the art, keep up the tradition and keep rolling on…