Shortly after I had my second child an opportunity arose for my little family to move back to the Midwest. Eager for some normalcy (and free babysitting) we jumped at the chance and moved back to within 5 miles of where I grew up. Since the opportunity was a business one for my husband, this meant that he go house hunting without me. My sister kindly accompanied him in the house hunt. My first glance at the house they chose was the day I moved into it. Believe me when I say the look of awe on my face was not one of delight. It was a big house....a big house filled with wallpaper......but not for long. I set about removing all wallpaper (and finding several large holes which explained the wallpaper) and painted. I didn't paint well, but I painted.
Then I started to notice that this house had a personality that mirrored mine. Not quite right. It started in the kitchen. The refrigerator had an ice maker. Hallelujah! Crushed ice!! However, to get the ice maker to deposit ice in your glass you needed to lean against the door while you pushed the lever to get ice. We have changed refrigerators but many who come to my house still lean against the door when getting ice.
Next was the stove. For a brief period of time everything seemed wonderful. Wonderful until the oven door refused to stay shut. Problem solved though by placing a chair against the oven door! We quickly learned not to use a metal chair and then quickly learned not to leave the kitchen while we baked as the wooden chair got so hot I swear I used to see sparks begin to flare up.
There are windows that that don't stay in an up position, carpeting that moves when you move, and bathroom floor tile that sticks to your feet after you have showered. What is the point of all this? We never ever ever tested any of these things before we bought this house. It was as if we glanced at the house, saw there were some rooms and said "yep, it'll do pig" and signed the papers.
All of these things are minor (only because the chair against the oven never did catch fire) and were stupid not to catch but I have saved the two biggest "why do you even own a house" moments for last.
The downstairs of the house has been eternally cold. We have had furnace people come out to fix our furnace and never really pursued how cold it is. We have replaced a furnace and never mentioned it. Shortly after replacing the furnace I noticed the fan stayed on all the time and that there was a buzzing sound. I did what anyone would do... I took a video so that I could capture the sound. Oh yea, and then I called the furnace repair guy. A very nice man came over and started pointing at boxes and asking me "whats this?" And I said, "I don't now". He said "Hey do you know that your humidifier has the water intake shut off?" Me "We have a humidifier?" Him "Yes, that is what is making the loud noise. When was the last time you had the water on to this?" Me "Um" Him "I think you've had this humidifier running since you bought the house but to no avail as there is no water connected. Its also dying. Can I remove it?" Me "Yea,Um, Er". Him "The other noise is your carbon monoxide detector. It doesn't work anymore" Me "I have a carbon monoxide detector " Him "Not one that works. Oh, hey, have you noticed that it is really cold downstairs?" Me "um" Him "How long has the main valve from the furnace been shut to the downstairs vents?" Me "um". That is when it first occurred to me "I probably shouldn't own a house".
The kicker to this tale happened this past week. We decided to replace the sliding glass door. A very nice man came to do the install. The first words out of his mouth where "Did you know that your sliding glass door was put on backwards? Anyone could have simply lifted off the door from the outside and strolled right in. Didn't you ever notice that other doors have the screens on the outside, not the inside?"
Yep. Probably should have just rented.
