I digress. Elevator etiquette. I'll tell you what is NOT good etiquette by this story. I was traveling from the ground floor to the 12th floor with an older male passenger. The doors opened on 6. He hesitated, moved his hind end, let out an enormous fart and departed the elevator leaving me in the mist of an odoriferous cloud. So let's make that #1 on Elevator Etiquette.
1.Hold on to your bowels until AFTER you depart.
2.Move to the back of the bus, if your floor is one of the last stops.
3.Ladies, ladies with babies, old people, people carrying things - let those people get off first. You can make this happen with the sweeping gesture of your hand, or a nod of the head. DO NOT LET PEOPLE TALKING ON THEIR CELL PHONE OFF FIRST! PENALIZE THIS GROUP!
4.When getting on to the elevator, it is polite to let the ladies, ladies with babies, old people, people carrying things to get on first while you, the younger or maler passenger risks their limbs by putting their arm across the doorway. And again...DO NOT LET PEOPLE TALKING ON THEIR CELL PHONE IN FIRST. As a matter of fact, put your damn phone down!
5.When in the elevator, it is good luck to touch the button of the floor you are going to, just as it is good luck to touch the elevator call button. (This is not actually a fact, just seeing if Jim or anyone who has read the previous blog is paying attention...but then again, perhaps it'll become lore!)
6.Making eye contact, saying inappropriate things, joking around and other tomfoolery with people you have never met is not good etiquette but I just cannot help myself as it is tremendous fun.
7. If you are carrying food, drinks, messy things and spill something, the etiquette says you clean it up or at least contact building maintenance. The elevator is not your garbage disposal. (I could spend more time on this based on the amount of tortilla chips left in the elevator from the folks going from 12 to 11, but it is too early and my blood pressure is at a good rate currently)
8. Please use common sense when the doors open and you find yourself faced with this decision - shove myself in and risk hitting the weight limit of an old, unstable, gets stuck frequently car cause I just want to get the heck out of dodge, OR hey, elevators are like el trains, always another one in a few moments.
9. Did I say don't fart in the elevator? This goes for belching as well.
10. And finally....be mindful of the size of the elevator, the size of you and the size of the people behind you. I can't count the amount of times that I've had to go into some circus contortions due to someone having a large backpack which claimed much of the space that I was previously standing in. Don't even get me started on the umbrellas...that is for another blog.
