Send me a card!

This weekend I was going through cards to find one for my daughter to give to a friend.  I sorted through cards not yet sent, pretty stationary, witty stationary, postcards with clever sayings on front, all waiting to be penned with thoughts and comments.  Sadly I rarely send cards just for the heck of it anymore.

Getting letters used to be quite common 20 years ago.  With the advent of email/social media this has become a thing of the past.  I do enjoy that we can now instantly send a message near and far to update our family and friends. It is wonderful to watch my niece's and nephew's children grow up before my eyes, coordinate schedules easier and quicker, and give cheer and boosts for the day in the blink of any eye. However, there is something a bit missing from this form of communication.

In the pile of blank cards and stationary are some I've kept that were sent to my family. I found the cherished letters from my late mother-in-law to my daughter.  The love and affection leaps off the pages and makes my smile bigger than the media storage capacity on my iphone.  The cards from my parents for various occasions, signed with my mother's perfect Palmer Method handwriting and always including the word "lovingly".  Then there are the postcards my husband sent me when he was away for training in New York. We were a fairly new relationship and I came to adore the pictures of  his hotel on Central park with the "you can smell the horse sh*t from my room" scrawled in his almost illegible handwriting on the back.

While I keep many emails and can scroll through social media to re-read conversations and messages, there is something about sitting on my bed, a lazy Saturday afternoon, cup of tea at my side, looking at the glorious cards and letters.  It feels more intimate, more personal.  To know someone took the time to pick out a card or stationary, put pen to paper, post it through the mail....it makes one feel a bit special, a bit loved.  These tangible items bring a feeling of connection...I know the sender physically touched these things. They were only thinking of me when they wrote these messages and not multi-tasking, not checking off a task on a to do list.

I think I'll find some pretty stationary and cards.  I'll begin sending out letters to my friends and relatives.  Hopefully they'll open the envelope and my love and affection will pour out like a mountain stream after a spring thaw.

If I had a way back machine...

I truly envy the mindful person who has always lived each day to the fullest. I've evolved and grown to be that person now but wish I could spare the younger version of me the bumpy thorny path it took to get here. If I could hop in my TARDIS and go back a few years, I'd whisper...

1.   If you have to work that hard to get noticed by a guy, do you really think he will pay attention/notice you in a relationship?
2.   Date the nerds, date the nerds, date the nerds!
3.   You are not fat, embrace your healthy strong body!
4.   Wax.  That's all.
5.   Spend more time with your siblings.
6.   Spend more time with your parents.
7.   Make sure to go on a honeymoon.
8.   You will not break/screw up/totally ruin your child.  You have to work very hard to mess them up and as long as you have good intentions they should be okay.
9.   You will not physically break them either (when bathing, dressing, collapsing their plank tight little bodies that don't want to sit in a car seat)
10. Those high priced items you had to have didn't hold your interest for very long...usually before they were paid for.
11.  Don't use credit!
12.  Moisturize!!!
13.  For God's sake, remember that the hot sauce at the strawberry fest is SAUCE not SALSA!! Only a drop on the chip! Only a drop!!

What would YOU whisper to your younger self given the chance?

And she's off!

I feel as if the baton has been passed! Picking up from the blog below, I'm here to talk elevators with you.  Fascinating things, eh? In our building, we have creaky, noisy, shaky, scary elevators.  At least once a week the maintenance crew has disabled one and can be seen poking around the innards of these wondrous machines.  Just yesterday they were in the elevator shaft standing on top of the mechanism yelling at it.  I said "Glad you're here in case mine gets stuck!" The mechanic replied "Yea, we can help you yell for help!". Mmmmm, not very confidence building.

I digress.  Elevator etiquette.  I'll tell you what is NOT good etiquette by this story.  I was traveling from the ground floor to the 12th floor with an older male passenger.  The doors opened on 6.  He hesitated, moved his hind end, let out an enormous fart and departed the elevator leaving me in the mist of an odoriferous cloud.  So let's make that #1 on Elevator Etiquette.

1.Hold on to your bowels until AFTER you depart.

2.Move to the back of the bus, if your floor is one of the last stops. 

3.Ladies, ladies with babies, old people, people carrying things - let those people get off first. You can make this happen with the sweeping gesture of your hand, or a nod of the head.  DO NOT LET PEOPLE TALKING ON THEIR CELL PHONE OFF FIRST! PENALIZE THIS GROUP!

4.When getting on to the elevator, it is polite to let the ladies, ladies with babies, old people, people carrying things to get on first while you, the younger or maler passenger risks their limbs by putting their arm across the doorway. And again...DO NOT LET PEOPLE TALKING ON THEIR CELL PHONE IN FIRST. As a matter of fact, put your damn phone down! 

5.When in the elevator, it is good luck to touch the button of the floor you are going to, just as it is good luck to touch the elevator call button. (This is not actually a fact, just seeing if Jim or anyone who has read the previous blog is paying attention...but then again, perhaps it'll become lore!)

6.Making eye contact, saying inappropriate things, joking around and other tomfoolery with people you have never met is not good etiquette but I just cannot help myself as it is tremendous fun.

7. If you are carrying food, drinks, messy things and spill something, the etiquette says you clean it up or at least contact building maintenance.  The elevator is not your garbage disposal. (I could spend more time on this based on the amount of tortilla chips left in the elevator from the folks going from 12 to 11, but it is too early and my blood pressure is at a good rate currently)

8. Please use common sense when the doors open and you find yourself faced with this decision - shove myself in and risk hitting the weight limit of an old, unstable, gets stuck frequently car cause I just want to get the heck out of dodge, OR hey, elevators are like el trains, always another one in a few moments.

9. Did I say don't fart in the elevator?  This goes for belching as well.

10. And finally....be mindful of the size of the elevator, the size of you and the size of the people behind you.  I can't count the amount of times that I've had to go into some circus contortions due to someone having a large backpack which claimed much of the space that I was previously standing in.  Don't even get me started on the umbrellas...that is for another blog.

Revolving Door Etiquette...

Everyone knows that it's polite and good-mannered to hold open a door for somebody, particularly if you are a male, walking through the same doorway as a female at about the same time. It must be a dying practice, because whenever I demonstrate the courtesy, I always get a very thankful reaction, more so than if it were a regularly exercised tradition. It's almost as though it is not quite expected, or at least a rare occurrence.

Whenever I hold a door to let a lady pass through before I do, I generally receive something like "Well, thank you so much!".  I guess if the gesture wasn't acknowledged at all, I'd feel a bit put off too. But to me it is more ingrained as part of my upbringing. I even extend this courtesy to men, depending on the circumstances. It would be strange, I suppose, to hold a door open for a man, allowing him to pass through before I do.  However, I will not let the door slam in another guy's face if he is approaching and within spitting distance of me. Also, if there is a family, say entering a restaurant or theater, I will hold the door, if my family is not completely assembled yet. It's interesting - with a man, if you enter a space that has an outer door leading into a foyer space with an adjacent door, the first man to open the door will almost always find that the gesture will invariably be reciprocated when passing through the second set of inside doors. You held for me, so I will hold for you. Actually, I find the whole dance a bit awkward.

Elevators can be awkward too. Do you allow all the women to enter/exit first?  Is this determined by age/gender?  Often, I think this can also be dictated by whether or not a passenger's arms are full of parcels, if they have a baby stroller, if their party outnumbers yours, and obviously if you find yourself in the back or front of the elevator. And why do so many people who enter an elevator on a floor after you've gotten on and pressed the button for the lobby, feel the need to over-press the button? It's almost as if saying, you possibly couldn't have pressed that lobby button anywhere near as well as I just did. There is really enough material here for another whole blog post.  Maybe I will let that simmer for a bit, or pass it off to my good friend, Zep, the other Whine Press contributor.

Now I have to talk about revolving doors. I have no idea if there is a prescribed or proper etiquette for revolving doors. I guess when I approach simultaneously with somebody else, regardless of gender, I feel it most gentlemanly to allow that person to enter the building first. What makes revolvers tricky is that they require a little work. The courtesy here relies on who is doing the brunt of that work. Now you can seem courteous by allowing a person to go in front of you into the first open section.  But this can be extremely discourteous, if you then allowed that person to push the door around, while you just kept your hands in your pockets, wishing they'd only push faster. But you can also be the first to enter and at the same time, allow the people following you to do the pushing, while you are wishing they'd put a little more back into it.

Still, I usually opt for letting the other person enter first. I think you have the most control then.  And then, we have a revolving door down the street at a Marriott Hotel that has a huge tri-partitioned separation. This door is really weird because not only is each sector cavernous enough to accommodate 2 or 3 people, but it is driven by a powerful motor, activated automatically by a sensor.  Again... could be another post for this baby.

Now what about public buses?  Do you agree with my thinking in that if you are forced to stand for the duration of the ride, if all the seats are taken, that all standing, should be allowed to exit the bus first, before anybody whose had the luxury of being seated, texting and reading for the whole ride?  Apparently, there are very different feelings about this disembarkation protocol too. It seems when it comes to buses, there is very little sense of any real protocol, courtesy or etiquette.  Dog-eat-dog is the order.  I've never written a post, where out of it sprang forth so much potential and new ideas for subsequent posts...
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Can I Vent About Lent?

Last Wednesday, March 5th, marked the first day of Lent. Now this period in the Christian calendar begins with Ash Wednesday, it runs the 40 days that lead up to Easter Sunday and is a time that is traditionally set aside as a preparation of the believer through prayer, penance, repentance of sins, atonement and self-denial. Its institutional purpose is heightened in the annual commemoration of Holy Week, marking the death, burial and resurrection of Jesus, which recalls the tradition and events of the New Testament, climaxing on Jesus' crucifixion on Good Friday, and ultimately culminates in the joyful celebration on Easter Sunday of the Resurrection of Jesus Christ.

Now those who know me, also know that I'm a Christian. I believe in practicing the faith and putting it into action. I believe in the prescribed traditions and adherence to the practices outlined above, though not a means to salvation, are an important spiritual discipline that can serve to enhance one's Christian walk.

Now I was raised Catholic and I'm quite familiar with the doctrines, traditions and expectations of the Catholic church. I never fully embraced the Catholic faith, but had, more or less, tolerated the dogmatic and rigid doctrines that were imposed on me by my parents. In fact, it caused me to lapse, for a period, into agnosticism or worse. I just can't follow a course of tradition that, to me are not logical and seemingly prods many devotees to the faith out of a sense of guilt and knee-jerk conditioning.

I'm trying desperately to communicate this in way that does not offend Catholics, but I fear that I'm not doing a very good job. I know many Catholics who are very devoted Christians. On the other hand, there are too many self proclaimed "Christians" who do not have the slightest inkling who Christ is, and what He stands for.

Proclaiming myself now to be a Christian might seem at first blush, a contradiction in terms, or even hypocritical, in light of my views on the Catholic church. A Christian is one who is follower of Christ. This is pretty plain and simple.  I believe that Jesus Christ is everything He says that He is... Son of God, creator of all that exists, He did physically defeat death and is our only means to eternal life. Am I sinner?  Absolutely. But I am covered by grace, and only through faith. Will I continue to sin? Absolutely - it is the unfortunate condition of a fallen world and a by-product of our human condition in these bodies we occupy.

My problem with Lent is all the chatter that I hear beginning on Ash Wednesday about what will be given up for the six week period. I've heard a lot of talk in the office and on the street about not eating meat, giving up sugar, television, coffee. I saw people proudly strutting around with ashes on their foreheads as a reminder that their present physical bodies are failing, that they came from dust and will hence return. I wonder...are they really considering this? I saw ashes being dispensed at the train station where I commute to Chicago every morning. Ashes on the go? Really?  I'm not saying that this can't be deeply meaningful and significant acts for some, but to many, it is simply the thing that you do if you're a "Good Catholic".  But what would Jesus say about all this?  I have a pretty good idea about that:

True fasting according to Isaiah 58:

The Lord says to them, “The truth is that at the same time you fast, you pursue your own interests and oppress your workers. ⁴ Your fasting makes you violent, and you quarrel and fight. Do you think this kind of fasting will make me listen to your prayers? ⁵ When you fast, you make yourselves suffer; you bow your heads low like a blade of grass and spread out sackcloth and ashes to lie on. Is that what you call fasting? Do you think I will be pleased with that?
⁶ “The kind of fasting I want is this: Remove the chains of oppression and the yoke of injustice, and let the oppressed go free. ⁷ Share your food with the hungry and open your homes to the homeless poor. Give clothes to those who have nothing to wear, and do not refuse to help your own relatives.
⁸ “Then my favor will shine on you like the morning sun, and your wounds will be quickly healed. I will always be with you to save you; my presence will protect you on every side. ⁹ When you pray, I will answer you. When you call to me, I will respond.
“If you put an end to oppression, to every gesture of contempt, and to every evil word; ¹⁰ if you give food to the hungry and satisfy those who are in need, then the darkness around you will turn to the brightness of noon. ¹¹ And I will always guide you and satisfy you with good things. I will keep you strong and well. You will be like a garden that has plenty of water, like a spring of water that never goes dry.


Or, if you want to give something up for Lent, here is a list of 20 things you might consider:

1. Guilt – I am loved by Jesus and he has forgiven my sins. Today is a new day and the past is behind.
2. Fear – God is on my side. In him I am more than a conqueror. (see Romans 8) 
3. The need to please everyone – I can’t please everyone anyways. There is only one I need to strive to please.
4. Envy – I am blessed. My value is not found in my possessions, but in my relationship with my Heavenly Father.
5. Impatience – God’s timing is the perfect timing.
6. Sense of entitlement – The world does not owe me anything. God does not owe me anything. I live in humility and grace.
7. Bitterness and Resentment – The only person I am hurting by holding on to these is myself.
8. Blame – I am not going to pass the buck. I will take responsibility for my actions.
9. Gossip and Negativity – I will put the best construction on everything when it comes to other people. I will also minimize my contact with people who are negative and toxic bringing other people down.
10. Comparison – I have my own unique contribution to make and there is no one else like me.
11. Fear of failure – You don’t succeed without experiencing failure. Just make sure you fail forward.
12. A spirit of poverty – Believe with God that there is always more than enough and never a lack
13. Feelings of unworthiness – You are fearfully and wonderfully made by your creator. (see Psalm 139)
14. Doubt – Believe God has a plan for you that is beyond anything you could imagine. The future is brighter than you could ever realize.
15. Self-pity – God comforts us in our sorrow so that we can comfort others with the comfort we ourselves have received from God.
16. Retirement – As long as you are still breathing, you are here for a reason. You have a purpose to influence others for Christ. That does not come to an end until the day we die.
17. Excuses – A wise man once said, if you need an excuse, any excuse will do.
18. Lack of counsel – Wise decisions are rarely made in a vacuum.
19. Pride – Blessed are the humble.
20. Worry – God is in control and worrying will not help.

Finding warmth when old man winter's come to stay

It has been a very brutal winter here in the land of Lincoln. At this point in most years we've seen a few glimpses of the spring to come that makes it easier to endure the last gasps of old man winter as he goes down fighting. This year he is determined to keep his dukes up and pummel us into within an inch of our sanity.  It's no use looking to mother nature to save us, we must rely on other things.

The most reliable source of warmth, as always, is the warmth of family and friends.  Spending time laughing and sharing stories with a friend is a source of heat that not only warms you during the contact but also when you think about the moment and memories.  Reflecting on this past week I am remembering all the warmth that will sustain me through the coming weeks when papa winter reprimands me with a biting wind and frosty temperature. These moments seem insignificant if you look at them one by one, but when aggregated create a blanket that comforts and takes away the chill of any day.

Just off the top of my head:

The morning "paid my dues" bus ride connecting, laughing and understanding
The executive ladies night out networking that included a drive filled with laughter and meeting up with old friends and old stories
The staff member who lost a friend and needed a hug (and got one)
The glass of wine at the end of the day with a friend who has been dealing with a very sick spouse that turned into a giggle fest
The breakfast with an adult child and her unbridled hysteria laugh
The phone call with a sibling that has nothing of substance but induces huge smiles

All of these moments are small and easily missed.  I wonder when people say what a rotten week they had if they took time to remember all the small good moments. Uncomfortable times sometimes set in and stay longer than we like, such as this winter, but even in the worst times there are beautiful moments.

I hope you find yours and that you hold on to the hope of spring!

Where is Martin Eden?

Where is Jim Farina for that matter?  I'm still here and winter is kicking our butts here in Chicago, just like it is for almost everybody else in the country.  I did get a short break in January when I joined a small team of 9 to serve our sister church in Haiti for a week. The average temperature during the day was about 82 degrees. What a way to reset your thinking and priorities in life.  I think everybody who lives in the U.S. should visit a third world country, even for a short time. I guarantee that you will return with a different perspective. You will appreciate our country's  benefits and opportunities in a very different way.

This was my third visit to Haiti and I have hopelessly lost my heart to the people of that country - they are so gracious and generous in spirit. I was tasked with writing a blog of my experience and have include the link, should you be interested in what my church, The Orchard, has been doing in Haiti for more than 30 years.  I'm really proud to be a small part of that.

 http://theorchardhaiti.wordpress.com/

Now I understand that I've lapsed in my commitment to blogging here at Whine Press, which I share with a very good friend, and my other blog Arkenstone has also felt some neglect. I need to think about writing more, if not daily.  Every successful writer has that in common, they keep writing and never give up.  I think it is a good exercise to write every single day.  I believe Jack London committed to about a thousand words a day. this brings me back to Martin Eden, the 1909 novel by London.  A wonderful story and semi-autobiographical account of London's own life and times. In 2009, I completed a screenplay based on this work.  I know it is good and it has garnered some nice recognition from some of the more prominent screenplay competitions where this script has been entered and has placed well in at least half a dozen.

Well spring is coming - the thaw is upon us.  It is time for me to wake from my metaphoric hibernation and begin marketing, blogging, writing another script or perhaps a short story. It is time to arise and seize the day!

Lazy is as lazy does...

Time really does fly by without one noticing.  It's been 6 months since the last blog on this site and if a blog could atrophy, this one would have.  I believe it's time to renew the commitment to the creative!  I'll start us off with a blog called......"Things you can only get away with saying when someone loves you..really loves you".

My husband is from Utah.  His background is Mormon, but his practice is not.  If you can find a non practicing Mormon....marry them....marry them quick! Do not leave this one on the table!  He is loyal, hardworking, family centered (almost to a fault) and mostly doesn't complain....which leads me to a very important fact; he has never ever called me a bad name to my face nor taken to swearing at me. (okay there was that one time about 20 years ago...). I'm not saying he hasn't thought those nasty things about me, but as a steadfast upright guy, he never would say them to me.  Which brings me to.....

This past December.  My family and I alternate hosting the Christmas holiday gathering.  The requirements of the host is to provide all the food, drink and festivities.  Given that I want my guests to feel comfortable, fed and happy, I put a bit of pressure on myself. Usually I don't freak out over how the house looks, if the food presentation is Martha Stewart standard nor care if I have matching servingware. I do get a little tense as people are arriving and also while coordinating the meal to be hot/cold/whipped/unplated/plated/etc. at the same time. Earlier in the day my husband was making a lot of testy crappy comments under his breath as he tends to do the "before the event" freakout. A mixture of both climates caused the temperature between us to be icy at best.  Luckily, my husband changed his attitude and mood through the help of a bottle or two of wine.  He came to me in the kitchen, ready to make amends and see if he could make me feel less tense.  His intention was to tell me that he was sorry that he contributed to the tension.  Well, that is what he SAID his intention was.  Here is the exact scene:

Comes into the kitchen...I'm at the stove with a spoon stirring a cream sauce.  He puts his arms around me, looks me in the eyes and says "Hey, I'm so sorry you are such a bitch".

Oh, my. He has a look of horror on his face, not only because of what came out of his mouth but what will shortly come out of mine (I have NO qualms of swearing and calling him names). In that instant however, I drop the spoon and double over in laughter. I laugh harder than maybe I ever have in my entire life. I figured it all out in a nano second.....what he meant to say, how horrified he is at what he did say, and how delighted I will be to tell the story, which I promptly did to the entire cast of family in the front room.  I'm still laughing about it a month later and he still feels bad about it. It did seem to me to be a tale with a insightful moral. Sometimes it's just words and frustration and means less than the burnt cream sauce I was stirring on the stove at the time..