Mistaken Identity Theft...

I stole somebody's identity once. It's true, it happened a few years ago, not as a means to something sinister or for personal profit, or for anything untoward at all for that matter.  It all began as a joke that somehow went awry. But the joke now seems to be on me as this person I ended up deceiving, seems to think I'm somebody they really know...or knew at some point in their life.

This all began when a couple of years ago, I received one of those party evite invitations through my Yahoo email account. I'm going to refer to her as Sheryl Dee.  So I get this evite to to a summer pool party for this person, Sheryl, whom I believe was celebrating her 50th birthday, or something.  The name did not immediately ring a bell, so I thought I would peruse the list of other guests.  Not only did none of the guests' names on this list sound even vaguely familiar, but I noticed that this pool party was taking place in a few weeks, in some small town in Sonoma County, California. When I did a search, I discovered that it was nearby Santa Rosa, just north of the wine country, near the coast.

Well obviously this Sheryl woman had mistaken me for some other Jim Farina, not the most common name, but there are more of us around than I would've guessed. So I did what most anybody would do in such case...I ignored the invitation and went on with my life. Well a few days later, as these evite services are wont to do, I received a follow-up reminder for this party. Sure, I could've simply deleted it, as most normal people might. But my curiosity got the better of me. I opened the evite once again and began reading the responses from people who accepted the invite. There was also a list included on the evite of suggested items to bring - mostly liquor. There were a lot of comments from acceptors along the usual lines:  Can't wait!, I'm there!!, How could I miss this!!!. some of the comments lead me to assume that this might've been a reunion of sorts, or from people who'd not seen each other for some years. One person seemed to suggest that they had some cosmetic enhancements done. A strange thing to put in a response, but hey, it is California.

I was intrigued.  I couldn't resist. So I accepted the invitation and said something along the lines of:  "Count me in!  I will bring the Vodka!"  And then I said something like, "I've had some work done myself, but will wait till were at poolside to unveil - you might want to have a couple drinks first!" So now that I responded, I received an email each time anybody else responded, either accepting or declining the invitation.

This was too much fun. I shared with some friends what I had done and we followed the prank up until the party date had eventually come and gone. I thought it interesting and mused at the fact that famous film director, Alfred Hitchcock, who had produced many works around this theme of mistaken identity, loved this area of northern California. Hitchcock, in fact filmed two movies: The Birds, and Shadow of a Doubt in the areas of Bodega Bay and Santa Rosa, respectively.  And here I was stealing another Jim Farina's identity and playing out a true, at least in my own head, Hitchockian drama.

Well many weeks had passed and I'd all but forgotten about this silliness, when I received an email from Sheryl Dee, the host and honoree of this pool party.  Thankfully, I was not the sole recipient of this sad message. There were about a dozen others who were receiving this same message. Sheryl wanted us all to know that her father had just passed away after she'd spent some days at his bedside as his life slowly ebbed away.

I wasn't quite sure how to respond to this news. I couldn't just ignore this and continue on like nothing happened. It's just not in my nature. Obviously there was the "real" Jim Farina someplace who needed to know about this tragic passing of Sheryl Dee's father. I decided, pretty much on the spot, there was only one thing to do, and that was to immediately come clean with everything. The proverbial jig was up!

So I sent Sheryl a message telling her everything. How I was having fun with her evite and assumed the identity of some other Jim Farina, I lived in Chicago and had only been in her area once on vacation to San Francisco. I then expressed my sympathy at the loss of her father and told her that I hope I didn't cause too many problems and that hopefully somebody else brought the vodka.  Sheryl was very understanding of everything. She thanked me for my honesty and told me that I was a very nice and sincere person. End of story? Not really.

Some months ago, Sheryl Dee sent me a LinkedIn request to join her network. I have this weird rule, like many of my quirky rules that govern my life. I NEVER send friend requests on either Facebook or Join my Network requests on Linkedin. If you are connected to me by any of these means, it is because I accepted a request from you. So if you are somebody who abides by the same rule as I do, chances are we will never be connected via social media. Does Sheryl continue to think I am the Jim Farina that she apparently knew from someplace else in her life?  And then a few weeks ago, she endorses my expertise...

Can she not see my profile picture? I don't know you, Sheryl Dee!!!!  Is this some kind of a twisted payback for how I duped her with the whole party thing?  I'm not really sure.  One thing I know - two can play at this game. I took a break about midway through writing up this blogpost to endorse her work in Vancouver, Canada...  And so the drama continues...   

Here comes the ?

I've been thinking a lot about marriage lately.  I'm one of the fortune few who have navigated a rocky path and been rewarded with a rich robust satisfying marriage.  It has taken me completely by surprise.  I had thought that there would a separation of ways, a division of assets and a sole path taken by both of us.  We were lucky enough to meet a wonderful woman who, although being picked by random, seemed tailor made to sew back the pieces of our marriage.  She taught us a lot about who we were, how to set expectations and the stupid arrogance we both suffered from.  But that isn't really what I want to chat about.  Yea, I'm sure many are delighted that we are frolicking through the heather, eating strawberries and drinking champagne while listening to an old Carpenters tune but all of this brought a serious issue to mind.  Same sex marriage.

Gay rights has been one that I've been a champion of ever since my first time on the dance floor at "The Transfer" in Santa Monica.  There is something about being surrounded by hot sweaty men, dancing to a disco beat and not once getting inappropriately grabbed. While not always the best for a young woman's self esteem,  it does make a good basis for some life long friendships.  This group of people were my core family when I was living 2000 miles from home.  They celebrated my ups and my downs, my life tragedies and my personal successes.  They cooked for me, cleaned for me and yelled at me when I needed it.  They rescued me from anorexia, bad relationship choices and most importantly, boredom.  The sense of family among many of these couples seemed more real and intense to me than most of my married heterosexual friends.  Why on earth would anyone care if my gay friends got married?  I certainly didn't. Come one come all (or as my brother says "sure, let everyone be miserable...").

And now the irony........some on the conservative christian right use the argument that gay marriage is a threat to heterosexual marriage.  I'm not sure I understand this. If gay marriage is legal, does that mean all of a sudden all the men and women in hetero marriages will leave their partners for members of their own sex?  Are us heteros really as uncommitted to each other that men marrying men and women marrying women will break our bonds of matrimony?  Just don't get it....and the irony I spoke of earlier??? A gay woman saved my heterosexual marriage.  That's right.  My therapist is a lesbian.  Ironic huh?  I hardly think that if she can legally marry,  on our next visit she'll do everything she can to ensure we split up.

So folks, I don't get it.  My thought?  I think its jealousy.....us hetero's know, there is no way that our weddings can match up to our gay brothers and sisters wonderful soiree's that will join them as spouse and spouse.  Bring on the fabulousity!!

That Fleeting Sense of Winter Solitude...

Living in the Chicago area once meant that you could count on about 30 inches, or roughly 76 centimeters of snow during a typical winter season. Thinking back on my grade school years, I can't recall a winter where there was not a blanket of snow covering the ground between the months of December and mid-March.  it seemed like back then it was unusual not to have snow.  We never saw the grass, generally, till around the first spring thaw.

Things are quite different in recent years. Everybody  is talking about "global warming" and erratic climate changes all over the world.  Places in the south, where snow was more uncommon are now finding themselves buried to their waists. I remember last March, the temperature in Chicago had the mercury rising over the 80 degree mark for a couple days in a row.  I distinctly recall going to the Lincoln Park Zoo on March 15th, with my family and wearing short sleeve t-shirts and shorts. My kids were grumbling about being too hot! 

Experts at the Climate Prediction Center, said about that phenomenon, to give a hearty thank you, in part, to something called the Madden-Julian Oscillation. Like the proverbial butterfly flapping its wings in Africa that helps to cause a hurricane in the Gulf of Mexico, far-flung climate patterns hundreds or even thousands of miles away were helping fuel the nation’s bizarre, record-shattering March heat of last year.

Who's to say where this is all going. I received a pair of cross country skis several years ago as a Christmas/birthday present.  This was one of the best gifts that I can recall. Since then, I always looked forward to grabbing my boots, skis and poles and heading to the nearby woods, spending a few hours each weekend gliding across the neatly groomed trails. Often I would bring a camera, my iPod and I would just have an amazing time, alone in total solitude.  

The exercise is always an extra bonus - being so caught up in the act of skiing through pristine woodlands, conquering the sometimes challenging terrain, I never realized how hard I was working all of my muscles until I got back to my car. Once I stopped, I realized that I was quickly getting chilled, soaked to the skin with perspiration. The late afternoon was always my favorite time of day to ski. I'd typically finish my circuit as the sun, hanging low in the sky, would cast some long shadows - orange-crimson shades lending an ethereal, an almost timeless feel to my being. It is difficult to put into words - something bordering very closely to the spiritual realm though. 

I generally would go home, peel out of my damp clothes, shower and get into something soft. I would next build a real wood fire in our fireplace, pour a good glass of wine. I'd bask for a time, holding on, as best I could, to that wonderful sense of euphoric bliss. But these impressions quickly pass as surely as peaceful slumber erodes as we fully wake to the many obligations of a new and busy day in the life.

Yesterday, March 2nd, 2013, I donned my skis for the first time this winter. The snow less common these past years than it has been. There had not been much activity on the trail at Volo Bog Natural Area, so the trails were not well-groomed, the going was not as sure. It almost seems as though others who once shared this passion with me had given up - perhaps not making the effort to uncover their ski gear for these few short weeks preceding spring. Somehow, it wasn't quite the same yesterday - it felt like something is off. So was that it? Has winter abandoned me?  Have I abandoned it? I'm not sure. Maybe I'll have another go at it - maybe not.

I left my ski gear in the car though, just in case...