Aspie? Well that Explains Everything!

 
It seems that I display an adequate amount of traits to place neatly on the spectrum for being classified as an “Aspie”.  An Aspie is the affectionate term for a person having Asperger's  syndrome.  Asperger's syndrome (AS), also known as Asperger's disorder (AD), is an autism spectrum disorder (ASD) that is characterized by significant difficulties in social interaction, alongside restricted and repetitive patterns of behavior and interests. It differs from other autism spectrum disorders by its relative preservation of linguistic and cognitive development. Although not required for diagnosis, physical clumsiness and atypical (peculiar, odd) use of language are frequently reported.  In short, Aspergers is a high-functioning form of autism. Most Aspies exhibit profound intelligence in selective areas, as well as the capacity to be highly creative and imaginative.  

This explains a lot! And the more I explore those traits and behaviors that define and characterize an Aspie, the more that I'm convinced that I can classify myself as such.  My wife and children have no doubts whatsoever in accepting my recent self-diagnosis. It was like an "Ahaa!" moment for the entire family, once I began to share my findings.

What initially prompted my exploration into Asperger’s syndrome was hearing speaker and author, David Finch at our local community college. Finch was diagnosed with Asperger’s later in life (age 35). The undiagnosed condition nearly ended his marriage.  Finch wrote the New York Times bestseller, Journal of Best Practices, a memoir.  My wife and I have been lately attending literary, celebrity and book signing events at the college.  We’ve find it makes for an enlightening, often entertaining and relatively cheap night out and a good break from routine.

Mr. Finch’s talk was scheduled to run an hour and a half.  I believe this event was free, so we decided that we would stay for some of it and bolt once it started getting boring.  He ended up speaking for 2 hours and we stayed for the duration.  David Finch recalled his experiences with Asperger’s from grade school through adolescence, his college years and professional career.  We found him to be entertaining, while at the same time he painted a painfully close-to-home account of an Aspie who’s learned to adapt in a neurotypical world.  All I could think as Finch spoke was, WOW!  That is me!  I could completely relate to his journey through life.  My arm was bruised as my wife kept nudging me in that way as to express her thought…”sound familiar, Jim?”.

There are a couple online tests available that further reinforced my suspicion that I might be an Aspie.  In the first quiz that asked 50 questions, I scored 3 points from what is considered being full-blown Asperger’s.  Apparently, most who received a similar score were 86 percent likely to be diagnosed with the condition.  The second test I took, the Aspie Quiz, asked 150 questions.  In this test I placed more between Aspie and Neurotypical, but weighing slightly heavier on the Aspie side.

I always suspected that there was more to my peculiarities – my social awkwardness and avoidance of social interaction and frequent need to be alone with my books.  This also explains much of why I found it almost impossible to focus and learn in a classroom setting, unless it was a topic that I was really interested in.  This could also account for the fact that my formal education ended in 10^th grade.  Most people, until they know better, naturally assume that I’ve had a college education.  It’s very awkward for me when asked what university I’d attended.  There was no diagnosis back when I was in school for conditions such as ADHD, ADD, ODD, OCD or Asperger’s syndrome.  Everybody just thought me shy, awkward and odd, well actually, I’m still all of those things, but much like Finch, I’ve forced myself to adapt as best I could to a neurotypical  world.  It’s not easy, but through the years I have found coping mechanisms to help with my social anxiety. 

I often find myself scripting out dialogue in my head before going to social functions, almost as if assuming a character role.  Hmmm…I wonder if this is why I seem pretty clever at writing screenplay dialogue?  Sometimes the use of props is helpful to me.  Holding onto a pen in my pocket or fiddling with a rubber band has always been a great aide for some bizarre reason.  I must always have an escape plan.  A few weeks ago I attended a wedding shower for a co-worker.  I care and respect this person very much and sense that she herself has had some difficulty conforming to what’s been deemed as the neurotypical model. My friends must also be intelligent, or I find little use for their company.  I will force myself to engage in social situations if the person who’s the focus is someone important to me.  Generally, I do well once I adjust to the surroundings, have a couple drinks and seek out a comfortable and familiar group to converse with.  This particular event also had a definitive time frame, which helps.  I do very poorly with ambiguity.

The party was at a house and an unfamiliar setting for me, but I’m good as long as I have an escape plan in place.  When I walked into the house, the party was in full swing.  I was greeted at the front door by a familiar face, the daughter of a dear friend, who offered to take my jacket.  I immediately asked where she was meaning to store it.  She offered to take it upstairs with all the other coats.  Oh no!! Panic…  I said that doesn’t work for me – so I neatly tucked it near the front entryway, in an alcove that nicely accommodated an antique chest of sorts.  I never felt the need to make an escape, but I always like to know that I have the option.  And as usual, I did have a good time.  I always leave these situations wondering why I obsess so much at the prospect of social engagement, creating so much unnecessary anxiety.  

I have a new found freedom in knowing I’m an Aspie. This is actually a positive breakthrough in understanding some of my oddities – it would fill a book in itself if I actually took the time to chronicle all of my strange do’s and don’ts, my aversion to certain noises, forcing myself to look people in the eyes, my abhorrence for small talk, my ritual practices and strict adherence to routines.  I’ve learned to keep much of this stuff at home, so it is really my poor, patient and loving family that must endure the brunt of it. But at least we now have an explanation after all these years.

Next week we are going to a Q&A session at HarperCommunity College. The guest speaker is Lauren Cohan, who plays Maggie Greene on AMC’s television zombie drama, The Walking Dead.  Now what revelations could that possibly bring?